someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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