names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
