i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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