well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
