He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
