I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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