can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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