sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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