I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think I sprained my soul last night
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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