clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
