I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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