this just has baby written all over it
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
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after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
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dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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