If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
