Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
