What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
