i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
it glows. i had to have it.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
