And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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