I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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