We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
