Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
