Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
