My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
