At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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