Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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