Are we in a gay sports bar?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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