Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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