I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
