the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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