She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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