The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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