its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Randomize
