I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
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can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
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i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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