if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
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I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
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My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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