apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
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I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
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SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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