i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
