Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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