I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
