dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
