I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
