dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he shaved USA in his pubs
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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