I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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