woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
