I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize