No stitches, just platelets and will power
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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