Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
