Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
