It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
