3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
