Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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