You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize