I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
