did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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