the new term for farting is butt boxing.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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