I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So much Jack, so little girl.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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