Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
