highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
