Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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