what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
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I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
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Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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