last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
