you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I am one with the molecules
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
