I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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