I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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