i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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