I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
