I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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