my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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