morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Rumble strips road head = magical
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
