WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
