remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
