She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
